Me and She

She...I remember her, remember her sweet face...She...her pure personality, her beauty, her voice, her eyes, heh, her eyes, maybe one of the most beautiful eyes I have seen... I remember when I first met her, that day just changed my whole life...She changed my life...

It was spring I remember, the day was like any other day, fresh air, native hood, my guitar in the corner... I woke up and turned the music on... Led Zeppelin-Ramble on... Then I went to church because that day my friend was baptized. I was still sleepy when I entered the church, but on 2^nd step I saw her...I will never forget her look, she was holding the camera, when I entered she took a glance at me then looked back at the camera... I didn't talk to her then... I got out, after 3-4 hours we had to go to some restaurant, then I realized that I will see her again...damn I will see her again! I was so happy, so excited...my heart was beating fast...

At the evening when I met her again, she got out of the car, and walked in... I was staring at her, I didn't say a thing, but “Hi”, just one stupid hi...oh man! When we were in the hall, they turned Eric Clapton'music on...ERIC CLAPTON! MY FAVORITE PLAYER ! And my favorite song Layla... Since that day I called her Layla... I was looking at her regularly, I was looking at her, she wasn't looking at me, when she was looking at me I wasn't looking at her... Then I sat next to her, and started to talk...

We were talking about music, movies, concerts I remember, books... That girl was so smart! Her knowledge...her beauty...Man she was the most wonderful person I knew...Her smile, attractive smile, not a fake one... Her dance, retro-dance...I remember that, I was just looking at her silently, many people were dancing but no one could dance like she did...

After couple of hours of talking and knowing each other, we talked about music, man her taste of music was terrific...I introduced her to AC/DC and Eric Clapton... We talked about guitars, she said that she's not playing but her fingers are long...That phrase was even funny... I didn't get her number though, I knew her name, what she likes, and how is she, her personality, that was enough for me to enjoy the wonderful day...

I was going back home, in the car, all the time I was thinking about her...her face was in front of my eyes all the time...

After that day, she was with me all the time, helping me when I needed some help, she was with me like nobody else was then... She was with me, She is with me, and she will be... All this time my memories gather round her, every single day, every single moment I spent with her, were the most wonderful moments of my life.

She changed me, changed the “old” Ara...

And now, where am I now? Where? Huh? Foreign country, foreign people, just someone in No-Name town, alone? Not so... I'm never alone, even when I'm alone, still I'm not alone! She is with me still, oh man I adore her...I will never forget her, Never! We never had a fight! There wasn't a lie in our life! She was honest with me all the time, she was with me all the time... And now... dear “She”, I'm in No-Name town, with the people I don't know but I'm drinking with... dear “She” I still keep your photo with me...the photo which you gave me, you near Viktor Tsoy' wall... Dear “She” wait for me, I will come back, even if I won't see you in a place we first met but I will see you soon... I will see you soon dear “She”...

Short chapter from a book "The Case For Christ"

This post is going to be some short chapter from a book called "The Case For Christ". The book is written by Lee Strobel, a journalist who became a Christian after his research about Jesus Christ, and this book is all about his research, where he talked to many scientists, doctors, professors, psychologists and many other people about Jesus. As a Christian, I recommend you to read that book.  So this part is from the interview with Gary R. Collins, who has been studying, teaching and writing about human behavior for thirty-five years. He was a professor of psychology with master's degree in psychology from the University of Toronto and a doctorate in clinical psychology from Purdue University. So now I'll just write everything which is in the book, the chapter is called Psychological Evidence".
 I started out interview by gesturing out the window, where snow was gently falling on evergreen trees. " A few miles in that direction is a state metal institution," I said. "If we were to go over there, I'm sure we'd find some people who claim that they're God. We'd say they were insane. Jesus said he was God-was he crazy too?"

"If you want the short answer," Collins said with a chuckle ,"it's no." 

 But I insisted, this is a legitimate topic that's worthy of further analysis. Experts say that people suffering from delusional psychosis  may appear rational much of the time yet can have grandiose beliefs that they are superlative individuals. Some can even attract followers who believed they're geniuses. Maybe that's what happened with Jesus, I suggested.

"Well, it's true that people with psychological difficulties will often claim to be somebody they're not, Collins replied as he clasped his hands behind his head. "They will sometimes claim to be Jesus himself of the president of US or someone else famous like Lee Strobel". “However,” he continued, “psychologists don't just look at what a person says. They'll go much deeper than that. They'll look at a person's emotions, because disturbed individuals frequently show a inappropriate depression, or they might be vehemently angry, or perhaps they are plagued with anxiety. But look at Jesus:He never demonstrated inappropriate emotions. For instance, He cried at the death of His friend Lazarus-that's natural for an emotionally healthy individual.”

“He certainly got angry at times,” I asserted

“Yes, he did, but it was a healthy kind of anger at people taking advantage of the downtrodden by lining their pockets at the temple. He wasn't just irrationally ticked off because someone was annoying him;this was a righteous reaction against injustice and the blatant mistreatment of people. Other deluded people will have misperceptions,” he added. “They think people are watching them or are trying to get them when they're not. They're out of contact with reality. They misperceive the actions of another people and accuse them of doing things they have no intention of ever doing. Again, we don't see this in Jesus. He was obviously in contact with reality. He wasn't paranoid, although the rightfully understood that there were some very real dangers around him. Or people with psychological difficulties may have thinking disorders-they can't carry on a logical conversation, they'll jump to spoke clearly, powerfully, and eloquently. He was brilliant and had absolutely amazing insights into human nature.

“Another sign of mental disturbances is unsuitable behavior, such as dressing oddly or being unable to relate socially to others. Jesus' behavior and abiding relationships with a wide variety of people from different walks of life.”

He paused, although I sensed he wasn't finished yet. I prompted him to continue by asking, “What else do you observe about Him?”.

Collins gazed out the window at the beautiful and peaceful snow blanked landscape. When he resumed, it was as if he were reminiscing about and old friend.

“He was loving but didn't let His compassion immobilize Him; He didn't have a bloated ego, even though he was often surrounded by adoring crowds; He maintained balance despite an often demanding lifestyle; He always knew what He was doing and where He was going;He cared deeply about people, including women and children, who weren't seen as being important back then;He was able to accept people while not merely winking at their sin;He responded to individuals based on where they were at and what they uniquely needed.”

“So, Doctor-your diagnosis?” I asked

“All in all, I just don't see signs that Jesus was suffering from any known mental illness,” Collins concluded, adding with a smile, “He was much healthier than anyone else I know-including me!”

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New Year's Miracle...

The place where I'm from, they give to each other presents when the New Year comes, not on Christmas. I remember when I was a kid, that day was the best day of the year...We all were having so much fun, my Parents were buying presents for all our relatives and family friends... The snow, all that excitement  and feelings... We all were decorating the Christmas Tree...the big lights were inside the three, the toys, small lights... Then when my Parents were turning the lights off...I was looking at the orange-red-green lights inside the tree, deep inside... it was beautiful...Every time when I was looking at it, I was imagining that I'm in a Christmas tale...in a small town, happy people, all are excited and inpatient for the Christmas...close streets...in a tale like in the picture up there...

And now...I'm in other city but still with my family, of course not a kid now. I was thinking all about this when I went for shopping with my big brother...to buy presents for the family...Lot of people were in the mall, there was noisy but still we could hear the music... Old and good Christmas' songs.

 I was already bored of it, when I saw a beautiful lady standing in front of me, drinking hot chocolate... bright hair, kind short and  kind of blonde, wearing blue jeans, black coat, maybe she had blue eyes I didn't notice it then...She was standing in front of the Toy's Shop...I looked at her, after a moment she took a look too...Looked at me, then looked away...I smiled...after a moment she took a glance at me again  and smiled too...Sweet smile,  not fake one. She was a miracle...I knew how to read people's faces...their body language, and  waited for something and she did it... She licked her lips...that's my favorite sign.But meanwhile my brother got out of the shop...

"Oi! Look here what I bought...", I was trying to not loose the view of her, but my brother interrupted me...

"What? what you want?", I was kind of confused I didn't even look at the gift he got, I was trying to find that lady, but...she wasn't standing there anymore...she left, all I saw was a bunch of people running there and here for buying some presents... She wasn't there...she wasn't standing there...and I thought that I'm never going to see her again... We left the mall and headed to Starbucks...I was standing in the queue when a girl, wearing the Starbuck' uniform asked me what kind of coffee I want...I opened my mouth to answer her, when...In the corner I saw the same girl, she was like a miracle shining the corner, same  short-blond-hair-beautiful lady,... Doing some work on her laptop, so I didn't answer the girl's question and went to her...grabbed the chair...She looked at me with surprise , I saw that sign on her forehead, then smiled...

"You are beautiful"-I said...

Me and Lily near the fireplace...

It's night...I'm in the wooden house, sitting in a soft-comfortable armchair near the fireplace, and the burning woods are making some terrific sounds. And right besides me, on the other armchair is "sitting" my guitar...Lily... I call her Lily, now she is so quiet, in the silence she is listening to the burning sounds and enjoying it...The white side of her now is kind of orange and red because of the fire... Between us there is a small table, on it... a bottle of whiskey and 2 glasses...one for me, and one for her...yes her, not Lily, but her...Lily(my guitar) never saw her but gave me many songs about her...oh yes She...she whom I love like insane, She who loves me in the same way and always is with me...She, who is so kind, sweet, pure and beautiful...She's my miracle, but now...She's not here, Lily is here... I'm speaking to myself, slowly drinking the whiskey and looking at the fire...All I hear is the fire, lights are off, but the room is bright. I again take a look at Lily...Fender Squier Telecaster Thinline Vintage, black and white...That's just a brief introduction about Lily. I remember when I first played on Lily, it was on winter, just like now...I was in the shop, looking for a new guitar for me...I tried many guitars there Les Paul, Fender Stratocasters and another Telecasters, but my Lily was the best...soft neck, great sound... What I think or know is that, Lily is full of blues and tremolos... Lily likes when I play Blues, actually I play blues all the time, Lily also likes when I play Classic Rock, or Neo-Classical or sometimes Jazz...She plays no bad music... Lily is like talking to me...her terrific look just makes me play again and again... She gave me many songs...our own songs...I can't count how many times Lily helped me, how many times she just made my worries go away, she can just make me forget all the problems when I play... We had many bad and good days, and Lily helped me a lot... She can just solve my problems, I can make new songs by the help of Lily...my bad mood and worries are just disappearing when I play on her...I can talk all the day long about Lily..."Right Lily?"...She didn't answer but her looks says everything I need...Her look...silent but meanwhile so Loud!  I finish my whiskey... Turing on the amp taking Lily, I must play...I'm fixing the effects and starting the Blues... From Clapton to SRV, from SRV To BB King, from BB King to everyone else...Hendrix, Blackmore, Albert King, and in the end I come to my again...I play my own songs...Every single sound of Lily now is just touching my soul..."Haha"...Lily.
I'm playing already maybe for an hour...It's time to sleep Lily...But, I'm lazy to go upstairs...So I'm going to sleep here...in the big room besides Lily... Good night Lily...good night... I kiss my guitar , take a look again and close my eyes...But I open my eyes again, and here is what I see...

When there is a pack of cigarettes in your pocket...-Viktor Tsoi

If there is a pack of cigarettes in your pocket, 
That means everything is not that bad for today... 
Those are the words of Viktor Tsoi. It was autumn, I woke up early at 7:30 maybe...the blue light of the moon colored the walls of my room. I felt cold for a moment, then  put on my clothes...
Everyone was sleeping in the house, but me and my guinea pig. I gave her some food, played with her then went out. I was standing in front of the building, the fresh-cold air seemed so wonderful, and the windy weather with the bird's voices gave me a relaxing feeling...I took a deep breath, looked around and started to walk. The city was just waking up from the nightlife's fun. As I was walking I noticed that I got no cigarettes in my pocket...I bought it from the nearest market...my favorite Marlboro Touch. As it was getting boring,  I called my friends...When I got out of the subway station, the autumn wind just hit my nose. I was listening to Viktor Tsoi's song. I lit the cigarette...yeah the first smoke which went to my lunges and got out made me relax...the autumn, smoke and song, together they seemed awesome, just like a beer with a lobster, or Bill Conti's Flying Now song during the workout. I finished the cigarette and was already in our meeting place, waiting for friends to come...They came, we had so much fun till the evening...When the night came, I got my way back home...By smoking the last cigarettes, which my friends left for me, I was walking nearby my favorite places. My city...the old and meanwhile new city, I was and am in love with it.
The elevator came, I pressed the bottom of the 9th floor, while the elevator was going up I checked the pack...it was empty... Mom opened the door... After that happy day, the warm atmosphere of the house seemed like a paradise to me. I was lying on the bed and listening to my music collection...it went from Classic Rock to Blues... "Heh, yeah..."-I said and smiled... That was a great day, then I got a call from my sweetheart. We were talking about or days, she was telling me some funny stories, I don't remember them now...
When the music stopped, with the nice feelings of the day, family, friends, my girlfriend and the cigarettes, I fell asleep.
I know smoking is bad, and I gave up smoking but the nice feelings of the day...no man I can't forget them...

Picture of Viktor Tsoi... Rest in Peace last hero... Rest in peace...

Feels Warm When It's Cold...

I remember I was walking by myself in the downtown.As usual the weather was quite windy. Many people were having fun.It was on Saturday maybe. I was in the crowd, watching a Christmas Parade...Then started to walk... I was looking around, trying to relax and feel good for a moment...then I noticed that on the other side of the street there is Tim Hortons coffee shop. I went there...bought one cup of coffee and went out. The hot coffee burned my lips, but I enjoyed it, because it was so cold outside...As I was walking down the street, I didn't notice people, just me, my thoughts and the cup of the coffee by drinking slowly and enjoying every sip.For a moment all my worries just gone away... The downtown, all the lights of Christmas seemed so wonderful that I didn't want to go home... I walked to the Lake and  felt like I'm not running like others, it wasn't a race for me. Everyone was running...running to the malls, to their homes, they had some work to do, they had meetings and all of that daily-stuff, but not me... Nobody was waiting for me to go somewhere... And I... I just felt relaxed for a while...looked at the lake and smiled. Then when the coffee was finished, I dropped the cup into a garbage can. I went to subway, then took the bus and when I was standing on the threshold the happiness was still there, I opened the door, turned on the lights, took of my coat and sat down on the sofa, the same unhappy-empty feelings which where in me, before drinking the coffee, came again and just didn't let me relax... That day I went to sleep early. I liked my soft pillow, because every time my pillow takes my worries and thoughts away, my pillow drops the heavy-worried-weight off my chest, so it did same on that day...Next day I woke up, went to school...then visited to Tim Hortons for a new hot-relaxing cup of coffee...I hope that tomorrow I will do same thing and feel happy...

First Post

Hello readers. In my posts I will talk about many different things. Mostly I will try to help some people and also I will write about things I like and hate, with one word-about different things. It will be good, if you will follow this blog.